Melanoma Institute Australia will host Geelong’s Melanoma March on March 2. Ahead of the event’s 14th year, Jena Carr speaks with Jan Juc’s Nicky Mackay about her experience losing her husband Sean to skin cancer.
Jan Juc’s Nicky Mackay was living the classic love story with a loving husband and three beautiful kids when melanoma rocked her family’s world forever.
The 50-year-old mum met her husband Sean close to 34 years ago when she was 16 and remembered him as someone who “had time for everybody” and knew how to make people laugh.
“I knew him quite well, and we just clicked and were together for about nine years until he proposed, and we got married,” Nicky said.
“I feel like he’s just always been this huge part of my life, and I’ve never met anybody like him. He was a huge personality, and he was fantastic.
“The happiest memories (I have with him) are of raising our kids and spending time with family and friends. He loved his friends and had a lot of friends.
“He’d just light up a room. If you went somewhere and it was a bit boring, you’d go and stand next to Sean, and you knew you’d have a good time. He was fun and lived life to the fullest.
“He would always smile and provide a happy presence… We had a lot of fun. We loved doing things as a family and going on holidays and he always liked to pull silly faces, and he was a bit inappropriate.”
Nicky and Sean went on to have three kids together and live a cancer-free life until Sean was first diagnosed with melanoma in 2008.
“Sean had a melanoma just on his chest wall, but he had that removed. He had to go back and have a wider section cut out, but we got the good news that it was gone,” Nicky said.
“Then he initially had regular skin cheques every six months, and then they were moved to every 12 months. We were a bit complacent because he was getting skin cheques, and we thought we were on top of it.
“But he was diagnosed with Stage 3 Melanoma in July of 2016 and had all of his lymph nodes taken out and had radiation.
“One morning, he came up and said, ‘Feel this, have I got a lump under my arm?’. So, he went to the doctor and got the lump checked.
“A couple weeks later, we found out it was melanoma which was in his lymph nodes. We don’t know if it was from the original melanoma or if he’d had another one because they couldn’t find another mole.”
Sean’s condition continued to get worse in February 2017 when he was diagnosed with Stage 4 melanoma.
“The melanoma had spread. It had broken one of his ribs. It was in his lungs and adrenal glands. It was kind of everywhere,” Nicky said.
“The cancer was dreadful. Sean was an incredible person. He was so positive and kept everything from the kids and me. No one really knew how much he was suffering.
“We couldn’t access immunotherapy at the time, so he had a different treatment. Ultimately, that failed, and he had a seizure at home one night. That was in July 2018.
“He’d just picked up our son from football training and made dinner. I’d been out with my daughter at footy training in Geelong, and when I got home, he just wasn’t himself.
“We were getting ready to take him to the doctors when he had a seizure. That’s when we found out the melanoma had spread to his brain.
“He had surgery, but there were a lot of tumours, and they were in the lining of his brain. So, he passed away about eight weeks after that.”
Nicky said Sean was 47 years old when he died and that losing him had been hard on their kids, who were 11, 13 and 15 years old at the time.
“I still can’t believe it’s real, it’s awful and the kids were young. It happened quite quickly, but right until the end, we didn’t expect he was ever going to die,” she said.
“It was shocking. With them coming into being teenagers, they just needed their dad. Sean was a really hands-on dad and a bubbly, bright, charismatic, and cheeky person.
“He was a huge presence in our house, and then he was just gone. Then, during the COVID pandemic, we were still pretty deep in grief and isolation, so it was hard.
“We miss him every day, and I think it’s been hard for them seeing their friends doing stuff with their dads, going camping, and all that sort of stuff while they missed out on so much not having him here.
“Some of the times when Sean was sick were some of our most beautiful times as a family because you realise how precious someone is to you.
“The kids are good, but he’s always with us and always will be. I see him in the kids, especially my youngest son. He’s a bit cheeky and reminds me a lot of him.”
With the Melanoma March Geelong returning on Sunday, Nicky said it was important for people to remain sun-smart.
“It can happen to anybody. It just pulls the rug out from under everything you know and love, like your life can change in an instant,” she said.
“I knew about melanoma, we both did, and you hear about people with cancer, and you’re aware of the risks, but it’s just so distant, and I think you don’t ever truly believe that it’s going to happen to you.
“It’s such a simple thing to be sun smart and to get skin cheques. The more awareness that’s out there, it could save somebody else from going through what we’ve been through.
“The prospects for people facing melanoma now are much better than it was seven or eight years ago when we were going through it, and it’s getting better all the time.
“Some of the things that you care about when life is going along normally really don’t matter, and it’s so obvious to you what matters in life.
“Be positive, ask lots of questions, seek support from people and accept help when it’s offered. Family and friends are so important in times like these as they can help get you through it.”
Visit melanomamarch.org.au to donate or for more information on the Melanoma March. Help is also available through Cancer Council on 13 11 20 or Lifeline on 13 11 14.
