Under the hammer

Andrew Mathieson
AUCTIONEER Neil Laws admits he was a bit of a bumbling fool.
He stuttered, he stammered and he hated public speaking.
Even though Neil knew real estate and had been an established property valuer, the quantum leap to auctioneering was a new challenge.
The rite of passage before accreditation to make sales is the novice auctioneer’s test.
Industry veterans say it’s the hardest call they face in front of their peers.
Neil quickly learnt the auctioneer’s lesson that less is more.
“The biggest mistake I made was getting way too detailed in the description,” he explains of his test.
“I’d been practicing as a valuer for about 10 years before that and I got too technical.
“I was describing the way the building was built, about the framework, the windows and it went on way too long for a quarter of an hour.
“These days the whole auction should be over in 14 minutes.”
Fortunately, Neil’s first appearance in public was without drama despite being asked to sell a Corio home at the last moment and experiencing a sleepless night before.
A Melbourne auctioneer acting on behalf of a bank assumed Neil had performed at hundreds of auctions.
“You’ve obviously done lot of auctions,” Neil remembers him asking afterward.
“No, actually it’s my first auction,” Neil nervously chuckled in reply.
Auctions had always been familiar ground for Neil, though, after growing around the farming properties of the Goulburn Valley.
His dad was a stock station agent, so the land and its sales “were sort of in the blood”.
“As a little tacker I use to go around with him to auctions,” Neil recalls.
“My father always said if you’re interested in real estate, go one better and become a valuer.”
Neil was a registered government valuer before moving into private practice.
Fast-forward nearly 30 years and the Queenscliff agent has just finished a 12-month stint as the Real Estate Institute of Victoria state president.
Gaining an estate agent’s licence was initially little more than an after-thought for Neil.
“In those days you were either a valuer or an agent, particularly a government valuer because you were seen as a purist,” he says.
Perhaps it was Neil’s own dry wit that turned him toward auctioneering in 1988.
He’s quick to recite a limerick – smooth as ever – just to prove the point.
Only about 10 per cent of agents take up calling auctions, he says.
“You’re either interested in auctioneering or you’re not,” Neil reckons.
“I know a lot of top-line real estate agents who wouldn’t stand up and do an auction if their life depended on it.”
Auctioneering is often referred to in the business as street theatre, Neil jokes.
But no two auctioneers are the same.
“I’m an ‘at’ auctioneer,” Neil clarifies.
“It’s at $313,000, it’s at $314,000.
“It depends on your training but I’m loud and fast.
“There are others who use quiet techniques to great effect.”
Speech trainers teach auctioneers to modulate and throw their voices.
They learn to talk from the diaphragm rather than the throat to ensure their longevity.
Auctioneers are told to drink cold tea to harden their vocal chords.
“I was also taught that if you’re going to have a really big day that rock salt is best for your voice,” Neil says.
Neil remembers interchanging with another auctioneer for eight hours at a clearance sale.
He was still hoarse and sore days later.
The REIV also has its own methods to weed out the potential best.
“They will send you out on Camberwell Drive in among all the trams,” Neil laughs.
“They’ll stand on one side of the road and put you on the other and with a microphone they’ll measure your volume across the street.”