Double Take: Trumpets, automation, global thickening …

Double Take

A 27-year-old Portarlington man hit a flat note with police after he was intercepted on the Westgate Bridge playing a trumpet – while driving.
Hobson’s Bay Highway Patrol officers received numerous calls last week about a sedan driving erratically towards the city.
The man was pulled over and was brassed off when he was fined $345 for careless driving.
Just as well he didn’t play the tuba.

A NORTH Geelong resident received a strongly-worded reminder notice from electricity supplier Momentum Energy last week.
He wouldn’t have minded so much except he never received a bill.
“If I’m in arrears I’ll pay it right away but it’s hard to pay a bill when you don’t know how much it is,“ he explained.
He phoned Momentum only to be told its billing department had “held over” his bills for January and February.
“How come I got the reminder notice then?“ he asked, reasonably enough.
“It’s an automatic system,“ came the reply.
The poor call centre lass was also at a loss to explain why the bills had been held over.
Not a terribly momentous system.

The Geelong name turns up in the oddest places sometimes, now starring in the Small Pelagic Fishery within the Australian fishing zone south of Tasmania.
Seafish Tasmania has won approval for a 95-metre fishing vessel named Geelong Star to replace a super trawler now banned under goverment size restrictions.
Geelong Star will chase a quota of 16,566 tonnes of jack mackerel, redbait and blue mackerel for the 2014/2015 fishing season.
That’s probably more than all the blokes fishing from piers, rocks and boats around Geelong combined.

As the global warming debate continues raging on the Indy’s Letters page, Double Take thought it was time to reveal another frightening worldwide change – one unnoticed until now yet taking place below our very feet.
Global thickening.
Yes, unstoppable, undeniable global thickening.
In this case the evidence is irrefutable.
Consider dinosaur fossils, ancient civilizations, the dog’s old bones – the longer anything lays around, the further underground it ends up.
Think about it: without global thickening we’d be awash in extinct giant wombat skulls and Chinese terracotta warriors.
Well, that’s the consensus settled. But why is it so?
Photosynthesis and meteorites are suspects, while Double Take’s ability to plump up without pigging out is another clue.
But what can we do?
It’s a question beyond even the unrivalled intellect of Double Take, so over to you.
Send suggestions to the IPGT – the (Geelong) Independent Panel on Global Thickening – care of the usual channels.